I have a rendezvous
My rendezvous may not be with death though, but something far more complicated.
I’ve shaken hands on a promise to not only see a hairdresser about hair extensions, but also to see a make-up artist, and even to get a photo shoot!
Ouch. Compared to the photographer the make-up artist and hairdressing things looks like a piece of cake.
Anyway, I’ve had some sort of self-realization that even though it’s difficult for me to be attention grabbing (cause I’m shy), a part of me does crave attention. I want people to notice me, and I get a slight sense of contentment when older guys look at me with disapproval (although lately I’ve been thinking it could also be desire or regret). I also like that some guys find me attractive even though I’m not even interested in fooling around with them.
Yet another rendezvous I’ll be taking is belly dancing exams. The teacher set it out as an option, and I’ve decided I’ll give it a shot. Taking exams will force me to take it more seriously and … I suppose it could open up some doors for me. I’ll also do it to prove a point to myself.
