My sexuality
I define myself as straight but I’d be lying if I said it was really just that simple.
Emotionally I’m very much attracted to girls. There is no doubt about that. I’m just not one of “the boys”. I guess I’m what they call a “cupcake” – that is a guy who just gets along easier with women.
Sexually is a little more complex. I’m also very much attracted to girls here, but I must admit some sort of feeling for other crossdressers. I’m not sure what the feeling is, and what it means though. The weird thing is I would probably find an encounter with another crossdresser interesting at the very least, even though I’m not interested in their physical “plumbing”. It’s just hard to fathom why. I mean I know I’m not gay, and that, like me, they are men – so what’s the deal?
In addition, the crossdressing itself has become a sort of sexual thing once again, which happened a while after I quit my medication. Which leaves me with more questions about myself.
Also when with my girlfriend I sometimes get an erection when we’re fooling around and sometimes I don’t. I think the main reason I sometimes don’t is cause I’m thinking too much about wanting to please her that my anxiety just takes over. Instead of letting go and going with what feels right I’m way too focused on giving her a good time and so I always have my eyes open, reading her every move and trying to respond appropriately. Score one for the little wooden boy though, it works beautifully – she really gets “wet” from our fooling around, but now she wants to have sex and I’m not sure I can just fake that…
It all gets me thinking about whether I’m really straight, or maybe asexual, or somewhere close to bisexual or just an amalgamation of all these (if that’s even possible).
Anyway, I might lose my virginity this weekend and maybe all my questions will then be answered.
whenhopeislostnothingremains said,
August 15, 2008 at 10:23 am
Hey there,
I had the same thoughts as you when I met Lenore.
And the first night I slept at her place she played around with me but I pretended to be asleep. (difficult!)
The second day we fooled around. And guess what?
It was wonderfull!
If the mood is right, your hindering thoughts will disappear… And I think it is very good that you are interested in pleasing her… A lot of men are just the wham-bam-thank you mam type…
Your girl will learn that you give her a lot of attention as well. She’ll appreciate it!
Don’t worry… it’ll turn out all right… one way or another.
but one advice: DON’T FAKE !!!!!
If you’re not interested don’t pretend to be. But you can always say: “For tonight, let’s just please you”, if that feels more comfortable…
Hilary Hall said,
August 15, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Thanks, that really does make me feel better about it
whenhopeislostnothingremains said,
August 15, 2008 at 3:21 pm
perfectlips said,
August 16, 2008 at 4:18 am
TVs turn me on too. I can’t pretend I’m 100% straight but whatever my attraction to TVs is, it feels qualitatively different from my attraction to men (eh putting aside for the moment that TVs are men). Deciding what category I belong to has always been mildly upsetting and definitely gets in the way of my just having a good time.
WhenHopeIsLost’s middle para chimes with my experience too. But let her be interested in your body too, even if it feels scary. Some people get really turned on by the idea that their sexual partner is a virgin. You know her better than I do of course
Have a great weekend, whatever happens!
someguy said,
August 17, 2008 at 11:46 am
A touching piece of writing.
i too feel exactly the same way. i find myself wondering how straight i really am, and whether i will be able to have sex with a girl because of the way i get turned on by a crossdressing.
i have just become a fan of you blog.
keep up the good work!
Edward Robinson said,
August 17, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Your readers might be interested to know that Arthur Efron’s
The Sexual Body: An Interdisciplinary Perspective has been re-released.
Full details:
http://www.umaine.edu/jmb/sexual-body.htm