Well, this sucks
I don’t know how things are going for me.
I’m not really into my job, and I can’t ignore the loneliness I feel.
I don’t know what I should do work wise. I don’t think I’ll be moving up the ladder, and I’m too quiet to be taken seriously. I’m pretty social in the small group I work with – but outside of that, nobody knows I exist.
Even in my small group, some people can’t remember my name.
I don’t know what kind of work would really make me happy either.
I also want to share my life with someone – but I’ve realised a long time ago that that’s not gonna happen.
There are women out there who would like a guy like me, but they’re like needles in a haystack. I also can’t sugar-coat the fact that I’m a freak to society. I will always have to live on the outskirts of it, for my own safety.
I’ll have to become comfortable with the fact that I’ll always be alone.
I don’t even know why I’m bothering wasting money on therapy and medication.
I’ve done the therapy thing before, and it made things worse for me, and I’m not even sure the expensive medication I take is even doing something.
I’m the eternal loner loser. 
vreer said,
April 26, 2008 at 8:50 am
Hi HIllary,
I know from experience it is tough feeling all alone and nowhere to go. Especially when you are considered deviant by the rest of the world (and youself). That’s why I’d advice you to try and find others like you. You definitely aren’t the only one. And in Cape Town I believe is also a group called transz experience or sth.
Live strong and prosper, vreer
Vanessa said,
July 26, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Love,
Don’t give up on who you are!
There is nothing more beautiful than someone living who they are with passion. Unashamed of expressing the light inside of them.
You have a burden and blessing mixed in one. Intertwined you can choose what you transgendered nature will reveal of you. I can’t pretend it will be easy, as I still walk the journey and discover new truths about myself, and about the character of God.
I wish I could express what I feel now adequately. Your posting brings tears to my eyes. I think about the sacrifice that Jesus, my savior made for all of us. How much he loved us, to give his life. How much he loves you just as he made you – beautiful, wonderful, a child of God.
Don’t give up hon.
If you need a friend to talk to or pray with, please email me (vanessalaw@crossdresserheaven.com)
Blessings and Love
Vanessa
http://www.crossdresserheaven.com